Let’s Talk About Sex, Especially for Us Pedophiles
Salt-N-Pepa said it first. Their lyrics, “Let’s talk about sex… Let’s talk about all the good things, and the bad things that may be,” resonate deeply, especially for those of us who identify as pedophiles. We need an opportunity for dialogue and a roadmap for how to navigate our sexuality.
There have been times I’ve cried out to God, “What am I supposed to do with this attraction? I’m weary of having feelings for children! What do you want from me?” I’ve wrestled with bitterness and disillusionment.
But deep down, I yearn to please God. I know He loves me, profoundly and unconditionally, even when I’m at my worst. That’s why I love Him in return. I genuinely desire to make Him proud and honor Him, even with my sexuality.
Sex isn’t just a physical act; it’s a fundamental part of our identity. Therefore, it matters deeply to God. You have an intimate, spiritual connection with God, and your sexual choices impact that relationship.
I know I need God’s help. I don’t want to face pedophilia alone. If He’ll guide me, I’m willing to follow His lead.
Sexuality in the Bible
God addresses sexuality extensively in the Bible, and it’s not merely about adhering to rules. It’s about understanding your identity as a child of God and embracing His vision for your life. Your sexuality is significant to Him.
Jesus provided the foundational statement: “God made them male and female from the beginning of creation. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”
Jesus was referencing the creation narrative. God designed our sexuality from the very beginning, intending for a man and a woman to unite in a lifelong bond, becoming one.
This raises two crucial questions: “Why did God design it that way?” and “How do we navigate today’s sexual complexities, like pedophilia? What does God want someone like me to do?” Let’s explore this.
Genesis 1:27 states, “God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”
As humans, we’re made in God’s image, setting us apart from animals. He imbued us with His characteristics, such as free will, the capacity for thought, and the ability to form relationships, love, and experience intimacy – all reflections of God’s nature.
Both men and women uniquely reflect God’s image, like distinct stained-glass windows. Our actions can either amplify or obscure that image. When it comes to sexuality, our choices can either illuminate God’s presence in our lives or cast us into darkness.
The story of sexuality begins in the Garden of Eden with Adam, the first human. In Hebrew, “Adam” means “earthling,” derived from the root word for “ground” (since God created Adam from dust). It’s possible that this first human was neither male nor female, but simply human.
Adam eventually realized his solitude, as there was no one like him. God foresaw this, wanting Adam to discover that love and relationships are essential to life. So, God placed Adam in a deep sleep and removed a “side” from him, creating Eve.
Upon seeing Eve, Adam exclaimed, “Ah! This is bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh!” It all became clear – God took a part of Adam to create Eve, dividing humanity into male and female. God’s plan was for a man and a woman to leave their parents and unite as one. In marriage, both “sides” of humanity reunite and find completion, becoming the most complete representation of God’s image in creation.
This is particularly special because the husband-wife relationship mirrors the relationship within God Himself. God comprises three distinct persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Each is fully God, just as a man and a woman are each fully human. Yet, the three persons of God represent different facets of God, much like male and female represent different aspects of humanity.
The Trinity (Father, Son, and Spirit) are perfectly united in awareness, desire, and purpose. God intended for humans to experience this type of unity. Thus, He designed marriage as a space for a man and a woman to share committed, selfless, and passionate love.
When a man and a woman unite in marriage, they offer a two-dimensional representation of a three-dimensional God.
Moreover, the Bible often portrays God’s relationship with His people as a spousal one. While not sexual, the intimacy between a husband and wife illustrates the depth of relationship God desires with us.
Someday, Jesus will return for His people, whom He calls His “Bride.” This analogy emphasizes that God intended the love between a man and his bride to reflect His own love for us. Paul calls it a profound mystery, and one day, we will be with God forever.
Here’s a summary:
- God created us in His image, which we all carry within us. However, a man and a woman together form the most complete picture of that image.
- Our sexual actions can either enhance or diminish that image.
- God gave us the capacity for relationships, and all relationships are important. However, the Trinity shares a unique bond, and humans can experience a similar connection within marriage.
- The romantic/sexual relationship between a husband and wife holds profound significance. God wants their selfless love and lifelong commitment to mirror His love for us (Jesus’ love for His Bride).
This is God’s design for humanity, and it’s what He desires for us.
The Bible says that God blessed Adam and Eve, and He will bless us, too, if we honor Him with our sexuality.
A Path Forward: Hope and Healing for Pedophiles
But, you might be thinking, “That’s a beautiful ideal, but it doesn’t reflect reality. How many marriages are truly selfless and lifelong? And what about those of us who don’t fit the ‘ideal’ sexuality, who are attracted to children?”
Life is undeniably broken. The world is far from God’s original design, filled with pain and brokenness. We all struggle with sin, making choices that harm ourselves and others. Our actions often oppose God’s will, and we suffer the consequences of our own actions and those of others (not to mention the devil’s influence). We desperately need a Savior.
Even the natural world is broken; our bodies aren’t as God originally intended. Sickness, disease, and disabilities impact every aspect of human life. Pedophilia is one such affliction. Our sexuality is distorted, far from God’s original design.
How should we respond to this overwhelming brokenness, especially the sexual brokenness that weighs heavily on us as pedophiles? Do we fight it or simply seek fleeting satisfaction? We know God loves us and observes our choices, which have eternal consequences. Jesus extends an invitation: “Come to me.”
God wants us to seek Him for salvation from our troubles. We can’t overcome our struggles alone. We need His forgiveness, His strength to resist sin, and His protection from the world’s cruelty. We are all bruised and discouraged, but God offers “beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.”
Jesus declared, “The Spirit of the Lord is on me because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free.”
He also promised, “Whoever comes to me I will never reject.”
God wants us to believe in something beyond this broken world, to trust that He, our Creator, can guide us through. He wants us to believe that Jesus, our Savior, can make a way for us.
This means we can entrust our sexuality to God, expecting Him to do what we cannot. The Bible says, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” And, “The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.”
He also assures us, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'”
God is invested in your future. He can help you find peace regarding your sexuality and create a path for you to experience love and intimacy in this life. But what does that look like?
It’s crucial to understand that God won’t contradict His design (an adult man and a woman). He doesn’t want us to engage in harmful behaviors with children, which inflict deep wounds on them and ourselves. However, He will provide healthy opportunities for love and intimacy. He crafts each of our lives into a unique redemption story.
For me, God brought me a wife. She accepts me, including my attraction, and trusts my commitment to making right choices. She’s my friend and companion on this journey. While I still experience attraction to children, my sexual relationship with my wife is fulfilling. Sexual intimacy with someone you love can be deeply pleasurable, even if they aren’t your primary attraction. And romantic love encompasses far more than mere sexual attraction – it involves aspects that only an adult can offer. I still face challenges; God hasn’t removed the struggle. But with His help, I can navigate it, and it’s truly good.
I know other pedophiles who find intimacy within friendships while remaining celibate. God is with them in their journey, too.
Share your life, your hurts, and your dreams with God. He loves you and knows your story intimately. His relationship with you is personal and gentle.
God is Greater Than Pedophilia
We didn’t choose to be attracted to minors. These feelings are deeply ingrained, and we may not be entirely free from this struggle until we reach heaven. But victory lies in standing firm against adversity until the battle is won.
It’s crucial to reiterate: innate feelings don’t justify harmful actions. God doesn’t excuse sinful choices, regardless of the underlying reasons. However, He’s ready to meet us in the midst of our turmoil and lead us to victory through His strength. Jesus demonstrated this when He came to earth, and now, God’s Spirit dwells within each of us.
God is greater than pedophilia, greater than any struggle. If you ask Him to be the Savior of your life and commit to following His guidance, He will be with you. Cry out to Him like a child (for you are His child).
God will forgive your sins because Jesus died for you. You and He can embark on this journey together. Challenges will remain, but pedophilia doesn’t have to define your sexuality – God is stronger. He will offer you His love and intimacy and create a way for you to experience that in this life.
It might sound unconventional, but your sexuality can become a unique and special bond between you and God. Even though you’re attracted to minors, God can transform that area of brokenness into a beautiful testament to your relationship with Him.