A while back, I was talking to a Christian woman who disapproves of our online ministry here, and especially disapproves of Michel Greenwood’s choice to marry and have a family. She accused him of endangering his children, and claimed that he committed a dangerous sin simply by getting married. She accused me of being delusional for trusting him, and for believing that he is a loving, God-honoring husband and father. All this, despite the fact that she has never talked to him, refuses to talk to him, and knows nothing more about him than what he has publicly shared here on our website. She insisted to me that Michel needs to repent and get help, but apparently she’s unwilling to reach out to him to tell him what she thinks his repentance ought to look like. Unwilling to reach out to him, even for the sake of his children’s well-being, despite knowing about him and this ministry since late 2021. All in all, she went to some length to convince me to also disapprove of Michel, and to stop trusting him. Once it became obvious that the conversation wasn’t going anywhere, I disengaged. As the old saying goes, “You can fight with a skunk and win, but who wants to?” As I was thinking about her and what she said, it occurred to me that she is very much like the Lady of the Green Kurtle, from C.S. Lewis’s The Silver Chair.
In that story, Eustace, Jill, and Puddleglum the marshwiggle travel far north of Narnia on a dangerous journey in search of the long-lost Prince Rilian. They are sent on this journey by the lion Aslan, with only a few instructions from him which they must trust to. After much hardship they do at last find the Prince in a place called Underland, and free him from both physical and magical captivity. Yet moments after they have done this, the four of them are discovered by the Lady of the Green Kurtle, who rules that land. She is displeased by what they have done, and her reaction is chilling: She traps them in a vulnerable environment, and begins questioning them, doubting them, and gently mocking their answers. She chides them to forget these childish stories about the sky, the Kingdom of Narnia, their quest to find the Prince, even Aslan himself. Only her words are true; everything else is foolish, forgettable dreams. Her magical influence aids all this, clouding their minds to what they once knew. In the end, she overcomes Prince Rilian, Eustace, and Jill with her magic and lies, and they sleepily accept that she is right. “There never was any world but yours”, they mumble back to her. Even Puddleglum is almost overcome, although not quite. He will not forget Aslan, and although he cannot prove that his homeland of Narnia is even real, he remains determined to live as a Narnian anyway, even if no place called Narnia really exists. He desperately stomps out the fire that fuels the Lady’s enchantment, which breaks the spell. Enraged, the Lady transforms into a huge venomous serpent. The Prince, Puddleglum, and Eustace defeat her in a quick battle, and the four of them escape and make their way back to Narnia.
Just before stomping out the fire with his bare foot, Puddleglum declares to the Lady of the Green Kurtle that even if everything she’s saying seems true, he’s not going to believe it, because it’s so empty and hopeless that it’s not worth believing in. Even though he knows his intellect is nothing compared to hers, he realizes that searching for the dream of Narnia is a better way to live than accepting her soulless world, real though it may be. She is quite charismatic, but her description of life is so empty that Puddleglum concludes he simply has nothing to lose by wandering Underland lost and starving, in search of a place called Narnia which isn’t even real. He knows he needs purpose and belonging and meaning, and that knowledge must have come from somewhere, even if he doesn’t know where. It certainly didn’t come from the reality the Lady wants him to believe in. So Puddleglum informs her that he will search elsewhere for it, even though he expects to die in Underland without ever finding it.
One thing I find sadly ironic is that the woman I was talking to really doesn’t have an alternative vision for what she thinks a Christian response to pedophilia ought to look like. Just “not this”. On one occasion, while contemplating the real difficulties experienced by Christians dealing with pedophilia (i.e. Michel, myself, etc.), she suggested on X that that removing oneself from the human community to avoid occasions of temptation is reasonable, but what about soul-care? She left it at that. Around the same time, she said that pedophiles should be contained, perhaps even isolated. On another occasion, addressing the same topic of Christians struggling with pedophilia, she suggested that some lives might necessitate so much suffering that “flourishing” would look like just getting through the day without swan-diving off a bridge. Unfair, yes, but that’s just life. (I’m certain she does not apply such a low standard of flourishing to her own life. Or her mother’s.)
The Truth is, we here who contribute to Christian Pedophile are sinners who deserve God’s wrath, just like everyone else. But we have put our trust in Jesus to save us and redeem us from sin, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. That includes the power of sexual sin and pedophilia. We have the promises of Jesus revealed in Scripture, and we cling to these in faith, even when circumstances seem hopeless and faith seems delusional from a Worldly point of view. There are many people who would decry this faith, or tell us that we must live within whatever arbitrary boundaries they would impose, “because of the risk inherent to pedophilia”. There are people who would insist that the most noble thing we can do is to accept lives of quiet obscurity, withdraw from society and the presence of children, and humbly dedicate ourselves singularly to risk-avoidance.
Children do need to be kept safe. We do need to have healthy boundaries, and be honest with ourselves and others. Sometimes this will mean making painful sacrifices – letting go of things we are not mature enough to have. But external boundaries must be grounded in the hope of the Gospel that truly guards the heart. Without that, no boundary or sacrifice will seem like enough to truly make a pedophile “safe”. When people forget that, we see things that go far beyond what any Christian ought to deem appropriate:
“You should not attend church. You should not get married. You should not have children. You should not be anywhere near children. You should never be trusted. You are too much of a risk to be permitted these things. You should be on a public list. You should be locked up. You should be castrated. You should be exiled. You should be hanged. You will always be a sex-offender. You can’t be a Christian. You are given over to depravity. You are demon-possessed. You are a dangerous predator, and a fool if you think otherwise!”
These are all real statements that I have heard from real people over the years (Including multiple Christians), and they are lies. They are poisonous lies from Satan, just like the lies from the Lady of the Green Kurtle. These all stem from the lie that pedophiles are a unique exception to God’s promise to set people free from the power of sin. I’ve seen first-hand the evil someone can commit when they are willing to force their idea of risk-avoidance at any cost. Many years ago I spent six months in a court-ordered therapy program that insisted I punish myself every day for my previous crimes. My therapist required me to write child-abuse erotica about my own brother, and then inhale concentrated ammonia fumes every day while I read it over and over again. That was an abusive act committed against me, it was counter-productive, and it would most likely be a crime to coerce someone into that under any other circumstance. He told me that the pain of sniffing concentrated ammonia fumes was the only way I could avoid committing further sexual crimes against children. The therapists in that program believed in the lie of deterministic sexual identity, which lead them to conclude that pedophiles can never be trusted.
As I said in a previous essay, even necessary goals like rehabilitation or reduced risk of future harm do not grant moral license to pursue (or mandate) any means that might arguably achieve them. The Truth is, some boundaries and interventions are simply inhumane and sinful in themselves, and are only based on worldly lies. Do not believe lies, though the pressure may be strong! We can look to the wisdom of the Bible, trusted friends, and the voice of Spirit-led conscience to discern what is appropriate. I have a few different articles in the works that will go into more detail on navigating various boundaries and life-choices.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.”
–Proverbs 3:5-8
I know the pain, guilt, and regret of sexual sin, and that is no delusion. I’m not the first to understand how sometimes there is nothing like a good shock of pain for breaking certain kinds of magic. I take the consequences of my own sin seriously, and I strive to live in humble respect for the boundaries I have in place to guard against sexual temptation. I’m very careful with how I interact with children in my family, at church, or in community activities. Writing this on Thanksgiving weekend, I’m thankful for people like Michel, Trent, Alma, and Bismarck, who help me keep wise boundaries. Both they, my dad, and men from my church are people I can turn to for admonition and encouragement when I am tempted or discouraged.
Yet even with such a history of sexual sin and temptation, I also know the supernatural hope and peace of Jesus’ grace. I don’t live in a prison, either of concrete, penance, or fear. I certainly would not expect or want Michel to do so. He and I have spent many hours talking, praying together, and dealing with some crazy situations. We’ve even met in person (which is quite an accomplishment, given the importance of privacy and personal safety). Contrary to what the woman in my opening said, trusting him is not delusional. And I understand where she’s coming from; some people are simply not mature or trustworthy enough to get married and care for their own children. Michel and I will be the first to say that some people – even some Christians – should not get married in their current state of maturity. But we must always evaluate maturity on an individual basis, based on one’s behavior and personal character. To their own shame, even some Christians have swallowed the lie that pedophilic temptations prima facie demonstrate an untrustworthy or malevolent character. I expect some people will read this and conclude that what I’m saying cannot be trusted because I’m blindly loyal to Michel, or I don’t want to face certain implications for my own future, or we’re all just trying to get as close to children as we can while maintaining plausible deniability, etc. That’s really just Bulverism, which is “the assumption and assertion that an argument is flawed or false because of the arguer’s suspected motives, social identity, or other characteristic associated with the arguer’s identity”. Praise God, our hope of redemption is not a delusion. Praise God, we can love the children around us in purity. Praise God, we were meant to live for so much more, and we found ourselves in Jesus Christ.
“Christian love consists precisely in rejecting the lie that ‘everything about you’ must be dominated by your erotic appetites. Instead, we offer the gently insistent truth: You are not your desires. You are not your own. You are wonderfully made for so much more. And even now, your Maker stands at the door and knocks.”
–Bethel McGrew, Playing Hardball
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