I wear a simple cross necklace, the cross made of some kind of wood, and its chain, metal. It’s rather valuable to me, the wooden cross made by hand by my paternal grandfather as a birthday gift for me, God rest his soul. The chain itself was not from him, but rather a replacement for the original string which broke a long time ago. It looks rather nice, as my grandfather was skilled in woodworking. There is this sentimentality around it, as well as it being an outward statement of my faith in Christ. I wear it all the time, to the extent that I feel naked without it. The symbolic nature of something like a necklace can be quite powerful, and the artistry plays an important role in that impact.
“One thing I have desired of the Lord,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord,
And to inquire in His temple.”
Psalm 27:4 (NKJV)
There’s a lot that can be said about having something tangible like this. It’s not always pretty pictures or sweet sentiments though. Oft forgotten are those times when I do not want to recall or remember. It serves first and foremost as a reminder of God’s presence, even when I don’t want it to. When I have sinned, my necklace helps to dispel any delusion that I have sinned apart from God’s watchful gaze. I then feel seized by guilt and shame, confronted with the reality of my actions, my first instinct being to cast away my necklace so I don’t have to look at it anymore. This is most acute when it comes to sexual sin, as my sexual desires are directed towards little and young girls exclusively. Indulging in those desires, though only through fantasy, already leaves me feeling gross.
But then I would witness my necklace, wherever I had left it, and the weight of what I’ve done and what it means starts to crush me. Even fantasies that might seem harmless represent actions that would greatly harm a child created in God’s image if realized. No matter how I may frame these fantasies, they do not show a real desire for the care and protection of children as God Himself has shown. Reflecting in this way makes those imaginings no longer pleasant but instead deeply grievous and disturbing to me. I also start to feel conviction; I have not merely done wrong to myself but have also sinned before God.
For I acknowledge my transgressions,
And my sin is always before me.
Against You, You only, have I sinned,
And done this evil in Your sight—
That You may be found just when You speak,
And blameless when You judge.
Psalm 51:3-4 (NKJV)
But to throw away my necklace then would be to throw away the fullness of what it is and what it represents, what it brings to mind. Something far greater than a minuscule carving of wood could ever, itself, be. This small, wooden cross of the necklace represents the real cross on which our Lord was crucified, and so also represents His work that was accomplished on being hung upon that accursed tree. That being our salvation through Christ’s death for the forgiveness of our sins. This is the death of the righteous one which appeases God’s wrath and frees us from the due consequences of our sin under His judgment. Indeed, this is central to the message of the Christian faith.
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.
There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.”
Romans 5:8-10, Romans 8:1-2 (NKJV)
It is then a symbol of hope, a hope in the work of Christ. I need not worry about being unworthy before God because that unworthiness is not the standard by which I, with Christ as my advocate, will be judged so that I can be declared not guilty before God. By this am I also promised eternal life, when I will no longer be hounded by my sinfulness in this life. Altogether many more great things can be said about the fullness of what was done by Christ’s death and resurrection such that I could spend eternity ruminating on it.
My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. And He Himself is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the whole world.
1 John 2:1-2 (NKJV)
In recognition of all these things I wear my necklace anyway, and instead of feeling naked and ashamed by my sin, I let myself know that by faith I am clothed in the righteousness and forgiveness I receive from the work of Christ that my necklace so dearly reminds me of.
Soli Deo Gloria