What Does Victory in Life Mean to Me?
Let me share my answer. In broad strokes, I want to achieve a level of expertise in my career before I retire. I write song lyrics and hope that some will be set to music. I want my family to find me easy to live with! Most importantly, I want to love well and hear God say, “Well done!” at the end of my life.
But I’m a pedophile. That’s part of my story. What does victory look like for a pedophile?
Part of it means never letting the sexual attraction lead to action—never harming a child. It means walking a path of deliberate choice, every day.
This road can be rough. Temptation is ever-present. Sometimes, I feel lonely because nobody in my day-to-day life shares this struggle (I’m grateful for online communities like VirPed). It can be depressing when these unwanted feelings towards children arise.
To maintain a clear conscience before God, I’ve had to forgo relationships with children that are typical for most people, and I’ve limited my career options to avoid working directly with children. It hurts.
I feel bitter at times, and there have been tears. But at least they are my tears and not the tears of a child victim. If you’re a pedophile and you truly want to love children, this is what that love looks like.
But it’s also true that God “comforts us in all our troubles.” I find solace in the verse, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Great is [his] faithfulness.”
Life is really about each new morning, and I know God isn’t angry with me simply because I have this struggle. The Bible says that “he does not despise or scorn the affliction of the afflicted.” Instead, he strengthens me, helps me, and when I’m especially weak, he carries me in his arms! He promises never to leave us. This has been my experience, and God has been faithful to me time and again.
Therefore, victory means more than just never harming a child.
Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” His promise isn’t nullified by pedophilia. I am free to live out everything that God dreamed for me to be! And you are too. Each of us is like a unique stained glass window, reflecting his light in an array of hues when we invite him into our hearts. God is not about to let pedophilia ruin that.
I am a pedophile, but my life isn’t defined by pedophilia. Foremost, I belong to God, and secondly, it’s what I do in life that matters.
Something else… I know that I’m suffering for Jesus. Does that sound strange? Well, the truth is that we suffer for him whenever we follow him at a personal cost. Victory over pedophilia comes at a price, but it’s well worth it. It means your life can be something beautiful, a story worth telling, and a testimony of Jesus’ love and power toward the “least of these”—you and I.
Don’t give up! It may seem dark at times, but the Bible says, “weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” God promises not to let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. He promises to make you sparkle like a jewel in a golden crown; he will “finish the good work he started.”
These are two of my life verses:
Lord, how many are my foes! Many rise up against me, saying, ‘There is no help for him in God!’ But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, and the One who lifts my head high.
I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
Let’s fight together for a pedophile’s victory.